I think im going to throw up on grandma
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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