I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
