just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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