I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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