Don't you send me to vm
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
