how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
