i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
