trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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