Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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