I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize