if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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