Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
