SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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