i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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