I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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