Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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