I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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