His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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