I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
