You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
