I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
