She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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