No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
