you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
