Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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