I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
