There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
