Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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