Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
