she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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