YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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