I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
