She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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