I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
