The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
