I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
