the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
