Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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