I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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