i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
