all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your penis caused this!
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