Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
