no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
