do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
