i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize