I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
