thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
