Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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