I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
