I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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