I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
