yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
