i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
