Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
