the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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