I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
