exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
