the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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