I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
