Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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