if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
