im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
