She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
