Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
