How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize