So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
