i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
