i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
