Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
