Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
