dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
