she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
