Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
