Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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