my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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