You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
