I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
