Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
