I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
