It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
