I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
