I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
