I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize