wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The adults are the big ones right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
