I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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