i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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