he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
