I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
