i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
