Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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