Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
