I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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