You smell like stripper and shame
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize