Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
