here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
