remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
