I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
