I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
