Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
